You: No, I don’t think it’s a one-day thing anyway.
But maybe we could start with some of it today and just take it from there? And, umm…I’m glad you think you want to have sex with me.
And I’d never ditch you because you don’t want to do that: I care about you for way more reasons than this. Who knows, I might feel different later on, and if I do, I’ll let you know, okay? By the way, I’ve been meaning to tell you something, too. Them: This is hard for me, but…oh god, I just don’t know how to say this. Them: I’m not going to lie and say I don’t miss sex with you, I do, but I’m happy to do any or all of those things. I’m not going anywhere, after all, and I know you’d be understanding with me if I was in the same spot. You: It seriously is, but you know, I’m feeling a little better about it already, just because you’re being so great about this. The world isn’t ending, but it’s a pretty big deal. I know we haven’t really talked about what those things are before, so some of that is my fault, but I want to talk about them now. You: You’re really quiet, and I know that’s probably because your feelings are hurt: I never wanted to hurt your feelings, and I’ll understand if you’re upset for a while or I need to earn some trust back.Later on we can get to the stuff that’s going to make me feel like a dope. When we have sex together, it feels like it’s all about how or when you get off and not about me, too. And I have been enjoying myself, just not all the time, and just not to the point where I’m feeling as good as you are, or getting to an orgasm, like you do.But now that you know, can I tell you what I need some more of, and can we talk about how we might do things differently from here on out? Alternate Conversation: You: I want to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me, and it isn’t easy to talk about, but I need to. You: Well, I keep feeling like maybe you don’t understand that just because you’re finished with sex, that doesn’t mean I am.I’m worked up right now, too, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for me to go farther before I’m ready, or that it’s fair to suggest that I should do more than I’m comfortable with because you’re excited. Them: (stammers) You: I don’t mean to put you on the spot, it’s just that I’d rather talk about it together first than just make a move that I’m not sure you want or are ready for.Plus, we haven’t even talked about this before, and I feel like there’s a lot to talk about. Let me calm down for a minute, and then what do you say we just cuddle up and talk about this – no pressure, just seems like it’d be a good idea to figure out where we both stand and what we need. Alternate Conversation: Them: Can we move this to the bedroom? You won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t feel the same way – I mean, I’d be bummed, but it’s okay -- or don’t feel that way yet.